I would never be able to speak in words, or write it down; the loneliness, the emptiness your absence left behind in my world. those moments spent in the warmth of your cuddle, endless conversations, the awkward silence and the heartfelt laughs. . Those still linger in my heart..

No words could ever describe the 2 A.M void your absence creates. The desire to strike a conversation and not having you around. I did not realize until you went away, home could mean two open hands welcoming me. That soothes me of my heart's ache.


Sloshed. The smell of cheap rag and cigarettes lingered in his room. He remembers the older days where happiness prevailed; Where she'd let him run his hands through her hair and laugh at the tickle. The twinkle in her eyes. Oh and her, she calls him a hopeless Dreamer.


Of your memories, that I cannot forget; the moments of love that we enjoyed; emotions that I left uncaptured on any screen, that keeps replaying itself in my mind, over and again. Words that I left unsaid and poetry that I left unfinished, about you,.about me, about us. Remembrance sometimes is a haunting gift.



Walking down the street,
As the crossroad approaches,
We try to un-recognize
Each others' familiar faces.
That used to be where
We exchanged smiles.

An ocean of memories,
Erupts within us
As we walk past each other.
Sound silence echos in between.
That used to be where
We exchanged words.

The unbecoming of us,
As we dissolve into you and I
The world that we build on dreams.
Tumbles, fails and fades away.
And finally I realize that
We are now what 'we used to be' .

An Ode to Us

You and I.
An incomplete poem,
An unsung melody.

We had apparently no ending,
none said the parting goodbyes;
We evaporated into thin air.

For all my life,
I'll wonder why
I had to let you go.

Q & A's

I hear that question
Even without you asking.
What bothers me.

I wonder.
Have you ever looked into my eyes
And read through them.

Not now.
When we were together.
Before our love vaporized.

You told me.
That I have eyes so dark,
It's impossible to penetrate.

I don't have an answer.
But I do think every night
Was I not enough for you.

I have to ask now.
Is that why,
You looked elsewhere.

Do you read?

via Instagram http://ift.tt/2f6cOEp


Sometimes I wonder.
Why do I write.
What is it that I try
To portray.
Is it you, or is it
What I expect you to be.

The conundrum.
To dump the past or
To embrace the future.
You of the past or
You that I do not know yet.
Life indeed is chaotic.


I no longer try to remember
The warmth of your smile
Or wake up from my sleep
Dreaming about you,
Calling your name out.
It's been a while since.

Some dreams remain unfulfilled,
Passion unignited.
I think I have learned to live
Without you, and us.
But what really is living,
When you die a little, everyday?


ഇനിയെഴുതാൻ കഥകളില്ല; കവിതകളില്ല. ഓർമ്മകൾ മാഞ്ഞു പോയിരിക്കുന്നു. നീ ആരായിരുന്നുവെന്നുപോലുമറിയില്ല. ഉറങ്ങാം. കണ്ണുകൾ ഇറുക്കിയടച്ച്. പകലിനെ രാവാക്കിക്കൊണ്ട്.


I remember.
Everything. Way too often.
Just that I've prepared to deny it.

The first flight to your city that day.
The first time we hugged.
The 7 am awkward hug.

My baggage bumped on
To your excitement and
My Heartfelt delight.

The first picture that I clicked
Of us, that day, at your cousin's place.
You pretended not to know.

Your child like enthusiasm
Seeing the floating balloons
And wanting them.

The occasional stolen glances
Out of the corner of your eyes
To watch me enjoy the wandering.

I remember everything.
The odour of your sweat,
That lingered on my chest.

The clutch of your hands
And the scratch marks
My back bore.

The shades of your lipstick
Wiped against my cheeks,
The Wrinkled bedspread.

I remember that conversation,
You told me that it was one night.
You slept feeling safe.

The way we ran into our train
In the last minute.
The midnight ride we had.

I remember how we parted ways
And how it changed me.
A part of I, left with you that day.

We are stories in each other's lives,
That we wish to unread.
How easy it'd be to forget everything.

I remember everything.
Even what date today is.
Just that I've prepared to deny it.

On M's Request : A story

Pretext : I don't often write stories and even if I do, they are mostly 55 fictions. So this weekend, a close friend of mine M came up with a stranger request. She wanted me to attempt a lengthy story. A mushy love story that too. Well, I am not sure if M is going to like this or not, I just wrote a story.

They shook their head in disbelief after hearing what Deep said. He winked at Lavanya who was grinning from ear to ear. Nobody seem to believe when they said they are just friends. He's been there for her even since they became friends. He's walked with her in every troubled times and knew her like the back of his hand. A shudder in her voice and he'd know that things are not right. 

He'd been out on an official assignment when she was getting prepped for her wedding. Things had been happening real quick ever since Pratik's proposal came through. He was everything a family could ask for. Handsome, educated, employed and from a widely known family.

It'd been three years since their marriage, they were preparing to welcome to the newest member of their family. Deep had moved out of the country soon after Lavanya's wedding. He still kept in touch. Visited them every time he was in the country.

He has so far nudged all questions from everyone about his marriage and settling down in life. He spent his vacations travelling around the world. He'd often come down to his home town and spend evening at the beach side he grew up.

It was one of those lazy Sunday afternoon. Lavanya received a call from an unknown number. Her face turned pale as she answered the call. It was just an hour ago that Pratik had gone out to meet few of his friends. She did not know what to do.

She dialed Pratik's number asking him to come back home and they were off to Mumbai in no time. Minutes spent at the airport seemed to be hours long. They rushed into the hospital. Lavanya quickly recognized the tattoo Deep had on his forearm. She collapsed into Pratik's hand.

Lying in the hospital bed she recalled everything that had happened few hours ago. She had received a call from the hospital asking her to be there at the earliest; saying Deep had been admitted there following an accident. Her number was marked as emergency contact in the rider band that he wore every time he went on long bike rides.

It'd been a month since Deep left this world. Lavanya hadn't quite recovered from the tragedy that happened to her best friend. She had stayed away from visiting his parents until then.

She couldn't bear watching Deeps parents mourn at their loss. His bike had been brought back to the home, fixed, cleaned and polished as he always liked. His mom's gaze constantly fell on it.

Lavanya went upstairs to Deep's room. That's where she had broken down in front of him years ago. They had shared quite a lot of time in the room and the adjacent varanda over the years. Memories came flooding to her mind. She strolled her hands through the books that were nearly arranged on the table and shelf. His prized possession, a camera that she gifted him lay next to the books. And there it was. The diary he never let her read.

She was shocked to read the first page as she opened the diary. She said down in the bed and slowly let the words sink in. Lavanya, I knew you'd find this here and would open it. Please promise me that whatever you read remains a secret between us and nobody ever knows about it.

She went through the diary. It had prose and poetry in it, off references to death, but that was nothing unusual knowing Deep. She read through his memories about her,about them, reading how much she meant to him. How he decided to be there for her every time.

Her eyes filled with tears as she read through, his confessions on how much he loved her, and why he never let her knew. She couldn't control herself. Yet she read though. The reality broke her. Her friend did not die a tragic accidental death.

He had been living the last month's of his life. He fulfilled all his dreams going against doctors who advised him chemotherapy and bed rest. He kept away from confessing his love to her knowing the future that awaits him. She left the room not saying a word when Pratik came calling.

Deep, ride slow. Lavanya called out from the balcony. The five year old boy wouldn't listen as he left off his new cycle. Pratik hugged her from behind as they watched their son ride away happily. 

The end is not always beautiful

It's been a year. He said to himself, lying down in the hospital bed. He watched as the clock ticked twelve. He sighed. It's been over six months. He was reminded of her.

They were a happy couple. The unusual kind, with a penchant for long rides and vacations. He'd often write her poems while she drew.  It did not last for long. As it's often said, you cannot help when someone falls out of love. The love they shared was shattered. Her void was filled soon after. She still drew and sang but not for him.

He lied in the bed reminiscing that night. She had travel a thousand miles to wish him on his birthday. The best birthday ever celebrated, for someone who never fancied celebrations. It was a year back. It was almost 12 and she knocked on his door, all smiles. He was surprised. He couldn't react for a few minutes.

His thoughts were broken when someone greeted him.. She smiled at him and wished him a happy birthday as she handed him the tablets for that hour.

Memories came flooding into his mind as he couldn't sleep. How things had started to change, from silly arguments to taking longer breaks from her. And then he fell ill. Things got worse even more. His need to withdraw from everything and everyone when health stoops low was something nobody could understand.

Things were getting brighter for her however. She had slowly started to live without him. And of course she did find someone having all the time to speak to her, shower her with attention and love. It did not take much for her to call it off with him. For she had fallen out of love with him and found her new true love.

It broke him to the bones when she left. That's when he started travelling again, alone this time. It was one of such journeys that cost him his legs. It was way past midnight on a rainy night. His beast lost its balance and fell off the cliff. He's been in the hospital ever since. Recovering from the trauma and pain.

He slowly rolled the wheels of his wheel chair towards the window. All it took was a moment to end the agony as he jumped through the windows of the thirteen storied hospital building.

Would she shed a tear at his funeral? Probably not.
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