2

Reflections

Another year has gone past. One third of my life is already over; and i must say i have lived it happily.

Now at this moment when i sit back and think about how i have lived, i have lived without the need to please anyone. I have made my own mistakes and corrected many of them. Some mistakes are left to be mistakes; there is hardly anything that you can do about.

I have made my folks proud, at the same time i have let them down too. I have hardly been the elder brother my sibling may have wanted, but i am trying. I have had my ups and down, i have had my fights and i have truly lived.

While i was busy alienating people for most of my life so far, surprising when i look back, i have also made a few friends for the life time. My social skills are always on the lower side, i suck at interactions, but i am glad i have made a few friends, a few like family in this short while...

One third of my life is over. Do i have regrets? Yes. Will i be able to forgive me when i die? Obviously. Would something be different if i had a change, not many, not much.

There is something i take pride in being me and that is letting know people that they matter. I can be really cold and shrug you out of my life if you don’t matter to me. But if at all i see anyone as a part of my life, my world, i have let them know it, and they know it.

It has always been hard for me to keep up with all the people i know, especially when there exist a lot of people who have found time to be judgmental on my sins, rather faults, or short comings, i have nothing to tell them, but for the ones who stood by, thank you. You mean the world to me.

I have let people down, i have hurt people, i have picked fights and i have walked out of many. I have broken hearts, broken hopes and gifted tears to many, but i believe that i am making up to it now.

I have only lived one third of my life, i still have the two third remain for the wrongs to be made rights, and for peace to be found.

I am glad to have learned all the lessons in life so far, and looking forward to learn more, I’d however say,Learning not to be emotional while making decisions, and learning how not to be dependent on anyone for my emotional stability are the best learning i have had so far.


To the ones who had to lie and betray, and pretend, i have nothing against you, and i may not forgive what you did to me. but i will conveniently forget your existence, that you live on the same earth i do, and i hope, i hope we may never cross paths, for it would be difficult for you to stand my sight.

To the ones who left me, thank you for the memories, those are worth holding on to. tomorrow when i have answer, if some one asks, what were the best days of my life, i might even mention you for the memories are sweeter

To the ones who stayed through the ups and downs, thank you.  You always found time to pick my calls, listen to me crib, complain, worry and even cry, i do not know what would i do without you. i do not know how my life would have turned around without you providing that shoulder of comfort. Trust me, there were days when i had lost the need to live, when i questioned my own existence even. Thank you for not being let down by me. Thank you for being there when i was down, low and out. Thank you for installing in me the desire to live and the faith to dream. 



To all the awesome people in my life, to the ones who make wish to wake up everyday and time to catch up, to have all the fun, Cheers. I hope i will be able to return all the love and affection and care you people shower up on me, i hope i will be able to be there when you need me. 

Thank you.

Today, i am 25 Years Young !

2

The Need of Letting Go

It’s natural that over a time period on our lives, we accumulate so much of emotions, worries and what not, such that it becomes a burden for us to move on and move ahead.  Be it success even in life, which becomes a burden after a while to live with the overwhelming feeling. I often hear and speak about the need of letting go. 

When i speak about letting go, i am not speaking about being careless and disregardful. I only intend to speak about the need of moving ahead and not clinging on to those moments of joy, or torment, or ecstasy. For me, i am pretty much humane that i hold on to certain memories even though painful, even though they take me down to a path where i lose my self and enter a state of complete negativity. I hold on to certain people who never deserved to be in my life, and i hold on to their memories.

What it essentially does to me, is that, i have an emotional and sentimental baggage to carry around. Every day i wake up, i wake up cussing, and cribbing and going over and over about the same dead past, only to multiply the weight of the already useless baggage i carry.

But will i be able to let go of such memories? I doubt that! But do i need to make efforts to do so? Obviously. Why because, i deserve to be happy and lead a better life. So do the rest of the people who cling on to their emotional and sentimental baggage. What do i or you gain by carrying it? We only spread it around the good and happy people who surround us, instead of accumulating moments of joy and laughter with them.

I have always believed that we cannot make someone like or love us. The best thing we can do is be us, apologetically. Those who leave, leave because they want to be selective about how we should be to them and how we should be with them. I repeat, the best thing we can do, is to be ourselves and never regret later.

The same applies to taking decisions in life. I have erred at two critical junctures in my life with 2 decisions which changed the course of my life. I do not regret it; anyhow i wish i did not take those decisions on an emotional background. I should have been better thoughtful about the outcomes. So tomorrow, when i make a decision, the things that i would consider would be, would this decision make me happy and not regret later? Would this decision not upset the people who i care about, but that would be secondary. I would rather pick my brain than my heart the next time i make a decision. 

Today, i take a decision to try and let go of the things i cannot change; i take a decision to forgive, and hopefully forget those who left me; i take a decision not to care about what the people around me says about the decisions i make in life.

There is something that i have known about me and accepted about me, i am flawed like everyone else. I have decided to let go of those who only see the flaws and judge me. 

I choose to let go because it gives me a freedom, and freedom i believe is the only condition for happiness.
I believe that i cannot be free and happy if i cling on to something, or anything, much like angry, possession, anxiety and grudge.

I choose to let go, 
not because it doesn’t hurt, 
not because it doesn’t mean anything, 
not because it don’t care,
but because,
only because i want to be happy and content,

when i die, i should be at peace!


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