its exactly two weeks since i last met her.. that one last time. and i am sure, i was heartless, and i did hurt, but i wanted to. its true that i wanted closure, but i wanted some kind of a sadistic pleasure too. i can be adamant and stupid at times, doing things that cannot be undone and hurting people. all my life, i have hurt people, broke hearts and relationships. not that i regret a bit. there could have been something that went well, but then being me, i was never willing to make any adjustments.

i know that i have a huge list of acquaintance and a handful friends, for the jerk i am, it would be hard to remain friends with me. i hardly care. i like my space, but then occasionally i miss having people around. i miss having someone to talk to and pass a puff.. and i am trying to get rid of that habit. its exactly two weeks since i lit the last cigarette.. that day after meeting her and the desperate calls to find peace, and to get lost.. i never found both.

i have been confused a lot lately. not knowing what to do, running short of money. people say money doesn't matter, but it does. i am going mad being clueless about what to do what not to do.


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