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Would(n't) You Make Friends With Your Ex?

It’s been 2 weeks and more since I reached home, and it has started to be pretty boring for me here. I am kind of falling into depressed emotional state and keeping myself away from people, a less socializing. Apart from that, all I have been doing is to eat and sleep and read some wanna be chetan bhagat authors. You fall in love, you make out, and then you break up, and you have a story, you write that, get fame. My foot.

I have been pondering on one, not two questions of late,

Q1. Why shouldn’t one make friends with his/her ex?
Q2. Why should one make friends with his/her ex?

The first question is pretty simple to answer, like one of my seniors in college said, you cannot be friends with your ex. it’s for mutual benefit. For you -you do not have to remember moments spent with him or her....do not have to compare with your future.

For them it’s like giving freedom to do things, to love or like whoever they want so that he/she can lead life peacefully by not irritating each other. Once you love some body to the core....it’s the last relationship. u cannot convert that to any other relationship

The second question is even more simple to answer, like one of my other friends said, because that bugger is a chapter in my life anyways, might as well make him feel pathetic about walking out of my life.. (Make him jealous)

I decided to think a bit further after this, these two reasons weren’t convincing enough for me. I put myself into the position, and it’s something that I am going through right now. An emotional dilemma. I have been changing my decisions every now and then if to stay friends like we promised when we broke up or not move on and not to stay in touch, not because I hate her, or because I am frustrated over the fact that the relationship is over. It just doesn’t work out most of the times.

Why I shouldn’t be friends with my ex(s)? Because I haven’t quite moved on from the point when we were in a relationship and I still have expectations on her. I haven’t reached a stage where I can picture her standing or being with some other guy and live a life we dreamed of living together. Because I wasn’t prepared for it. Because I still have my weird ways of acting rude and demanding with her and that just doesn’t work out any more. I have lost that important position and place from her life.

Why should I be friends with my ex(s)? because, just because the relationship didn’t turn out to be good, I and her need not walk away seeing into opposite directions, it just didn’t work out well. There is no harm in talking. She is been that person who knows me inside out and who can pretty much understand me, and when she says, we can be better friends than in a relationship, I should be able to trust her. After all, who else would help me find out the right better person for me other than someone who knows all my flaws?

It just doesn’t end there, all these while, planning to write about this, I have been talking to another dear friend of mine and happened to ask his/her views too. Well, he/she pretty much said the same thing, and then to add more, why she/he wouldn’t make friends with her ex, because you still have your expectations, feelings and emotions, you can suppress them, but not kill them, you can hide them, but not remove them from your heart. You are still and possibly possessive about him/her and can’t just see someone else take him/her for themselves, that would break the hell out of you and kill you nearly.

And human heart when in love is a stupid thing, it goes all crazy and at some point of time, you might just want to get back to the old days and start making compromises, you will start to be someone who you are not and later you tend to regret, and that you will never move on, and eventually ruin your good present and future life.

But on the other side, if you can really cut down on your emotions and expressions, you gain a friend, trustworthy and understanding, someone who would stand by you, understanding every single thing you do, you want and may be staying with you to achieve that one dream of yours.

I will just sum it up with what a friend said a very practical response to the question.

A1: depends on people
A2: depends on people again.

And ultimately, what you are comfortable with and not with

7 Shared Thoughts:

rugma said...

well written :)

Ramya said...

Ah this one topic I still think cant answer it at any point in my life!!! good read shravan!
All the best get out of your emotional stress soon, Heeeeeyyyyy peep out there is a sunlight go chase it dont be laid back :D you are missing so many things :D

Shomoita said...

You fall in love, you make out, and then you break up, and you have a story, you write that, get fame. My foot. - Sounded cool. :D

And I hate you for writing the last four lines, 'cause that's what I was going to write as a comment. Damn! :v

Shravan RN said...

@Rugma
couldn't have done without your help :)

Shravan RN said...

@Ramya
thanks for reading. this is not something that i do always. these kind of posts. and i am happy to stay disconnected from the outer world as of now. my healing period. hibernation state :)

Shravan RN said...

@Shomoita
i didnt write those. @Rugma did. i just copied. all credit to her !

Vivek said...

You can be friend with your ex ..depending upon the understanding both share ..as long both respect each other thoughts ...and feeling everything is possible.

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