2

The Year That Just Went By

ALRIGHT. I AM SUPPOSED TO HAVE 3 GUEST POSTS BY @NethraAnj, @Mischief_Monger and @FakeMallu here. thats what i had thought initially. but well, its been quite some time i gave this place any due attention. honestly, i wasnt living a life worth happening. its been filled with routine things, routine people, and nothing much. leaving all that part, its time i do the customary, year ending blog update. yep a summary of the year that went by..

2011 hasnt been a happening year for me except for some personal problems, say relationship crisis. but, i have become so stabilized about my emotions that i do not break down anymore. i have lost that feeling so low and down about such incidents in life. its not that they dont hurt me, it does. but they doesnt break me down any more.

2010 and 2009 two years which helped me change, in a lot of ways. the way i see, think, feel, decide, everything had changed during that period. ever since that, i have quite managed to be stable and independent, emotionally. i have gotten rid of the dependencies on people, and their time, and i have kissed quite a no. of people good bye from my life. not because i wanted to, but they made their choices, and i made mine too.

2011. it just passed by me calmly most of the times. the year started on a low note with not much of happenings, and the NY Night being celebrated in the hostel room. and then exams followed, holidays happened. came back to bangalore. i guess meeting @a_sawan and @_VinayR @NethraAnj happened this year. have i lost my memories, i dont know. i guess it happened this year.
now you understand how much of this year i have lived. i have been totally ignorant.

i have found a good no. of friends this year in college. unlike my UG days where i hardly had friends, here, i am happy i have a handful, and the best thing is, they have taken me as i am. i shout, i fight, i use swear words, i show middle finger, i abuse, they understand. and they help and it felt good when someone said, till i met you, i have always believed blood is thicker that water, but you made me realize that water can be as thick as blood, and i am happy, i have been able to stay by that someone, when ever they needed, and when ever i can.

about my blog, it has been kept ignored and left out most of the times, the only time i got updates was when i was going through relationship crisis. october to december, its been good. my relationship status has gone from in a relationship through its complicated to under breakup process. i do not regret or feel sorry and sad for this, but this is the best of what could happen. and it hasnt broken me apart a bit. not even a minute point, rather i made me stronger and practical..

some plans didnt work out this year. i wanted to buy a camera so badly. but that didnt happen. its not that i click good photos, but i wanted to experience and learn it, because i love it.

other than all these, my life, is pretty simple, and heading straight. nothing great. i have grown one year old, a lot wiser, and still learning from my life, and making sure i still have a long way to go.

the coming year, i would want to do a couple of things.

giving this place a lot more attention, one thing i want to do, but i think that wont happen. i some how have lost all the inspirations and do not find any inspiration to write on. also, i have stopped complaining about life and its happenings, thus making me go topic less to write. i have lost it totally. but yes, i wouldnt quit. i will hopefully be searching for another source of inspiration, and come back over here again.

i have been listening to people say that i operate as a closed system these days. i hope that it has come to me with the emotional stablity i have gained, i no more believe in forever and promises, and i have been acting pretty judgemental in life. i have been living my life, but i have been calculating also. every choice i made this year, was thought and made. no free calls were made, and i have started taking and accepting responsibilities.

the coming year, i would want to function as an open system, give people chances, give the newer ones in my life their chance and my time. i have had a past with people. but that doesnt mean every one are the same. its time, i accept it, and let people be with me, give them time and attention and start socializing again. i have been acting so closed and happy with the handful i have, but i realize at the same time, others, do deserve a chance.

mid 2012 is gonna be very crucial for me. and i hope i am gonna be ready for facing life. 2012, lets roll. i am waiting. :)


WISHING EVERYONE WHO READS THIS PEICE OF WRITING A HAPPY AND HAPPENING 2012.

LIFE MAY NOT BE PERFECT, BUT IT IS WORTH LIVING. LETS SAY CHEERS TO LIFE AND SPREAD HAPPINESS.
2

The Whys & Whats Of My Blog

4 years. thats how long i have been here. 2007 december 8. the very first update was made here, the name of the blog wasnt this, it didnt look like this also. from there i have come a long way, met many people, and i have changed to. so have this blog.

i never wrote to please people. why blog then ? because i wanted some space. where i can talk, where i can scribble and what not. i love poetry. call me no pro in it. all i do is to write from my life. my life is my topic, thats the only thing i can write with authority.. my life is all i have, and thats what lives in here to.

i wanted space and i had it here. then it took forms. when i wanted to grab attention, i got it from here, and this place did help me in lot many ways. the way i am, this place defines it. how much did my life teach me? a lot. what all have i gone through ? experiences. what have i gained? knowledge. what have it done to me, made be better. how do i feel about it ? happy. what did i realize from here, i am on my on and so are everyone else. their own.

why the blog? because i wanted space.
who are my audience? why physical existance
who write here? my alter ego
what does he write about ? my life and its moments
what is my favourite topic ? life. it amazes me and him
what difference has blogging done to me ? nothing much. i love being here.
will i ever quit blogging ? never.
am i bothered about readers comments and everything else of blogging ? no.
why so ? because this is my space to come and kill my thoughts, if someone reads, and appreciates, i will be happy. if someone relates,i will again be happy. if someone criticizes, i will learn. if someone ignores i will ignore.
what is this blog all about ? my life again.
what do i write? lines called poems from my life, moments of my life.
what the title "graveyard"? because its here that i kill all my thoughts.

what changes have this blog gone through ? it used to be a clean ade of my lifes happenings once. i then realized the need for keeping things to myself and have taken away being so personal over here. yet, everything i write relates directly to my life, it leads to my life.

what do i give people ? trust. i trust people.
what if they break it? they wont ever stay again in my life.

what do i love? everything about life
what have i learned? to live and never to complain. to not get attached to anything. to act matured.
what do i still do ? complain.
why ? because its still human nature.

what do i plan next ? blog.shravanraghunath.com
why ? because i still need space.
when ? i do not know.
4

Happy Being Sad

He would wait for her to pass by him,
A nod of head, his gesture would be
And a heartwarming smile, hers.
Or he would walk down all the way
And stand by the tree, to catch a view,
His heart, skipping a beat, every time.
Things were more unsaid between them.
No letters were even exchanged.
Yet she managed to read his heart.
How much ever did he fake to prove stiff,
She unfolded the tender side in him.
She knew him, and all his inferiorities.
Nothing did she say, except that
I’ll be around when you’re down.
If having you by my side is
What I get for being sad,
I would forever be sad, and
Happy having you around me..
He whispered in her ears and
hand in hand, they walked forever.
0

The Visitor

An eternal wait for your arrival
The wait for you to take me then,
You kept on visiting me, and,
You brought no fruits, no sweets.
Every time I asked you to carry me,
With you, and make me yours,
You said, it’s not time yet,
And then you would leave,
Only to come back and smile at me again.
You stood by me in my pain,
You lend me your shoulders, yet
Your face, unseen and unknown.
And one sound night,
In my hour of bliss,
You came and called me out.

Sealed by your lips
I sweat to death
And your face so pale,
Grew bright with my blood,
And I saw you, for once, and all
Mortality, thy name.
0

The Way Thoughts Go

may be i will have to go back to those days
where u didnt exist, where i didnt know you
may be i will have to fake a sleep, covering,
my head in the pillow that bears your smell
may be i will have to wet my lips myself,
thinking of the days that went by.
the sweetness of you lingers though
may be i will have to stay prepared to say NO
in vein, when you will walk out saying
i wont ever be back. wont ever.

A Life Of Maybe's

May be things are meant to be like this... breaking your heart and yet living your life... May be you’ve more lessons to learn and life could be the best teacher to have. It doesn’t teach you through explanations, but instead through experiences. May be you’re on your own all the way, all alone, all along, all alone... May be you’re to stumble and fall, may be you’re to rise and fly high may be all the sufferings you live through are for a better good, you’re to reach some heights. May be you’ve better things in store. May be you’re to die the next moment. You never know what life has in store for you. Never complain, live and let live, to the full of it. May be its full of surprises, just like that you die one day, and then all it ends.
9

Letting Her Go

Tears pouring down her eyes
Silently she wept in the dark
The pain in her heart
Let known to none but him

She smiled and spoke to people
Joy, her face had, in the light
Hidden behind the fake smiles,
She wept even in the light.

Nobody noticed; they said-
She is warm; lively
And with every word she heard
She cried even more.

In the hour of the dark
She removed her mask
He stood, watching her, in tears
He hugged her, no words did he utter.

A sea of silence echoed in between
She has to leave, and forever.
He has no questions to ask
For he knew, what even a pause meant

She wept on his shoulders
Drawn on his chest, in blood
The symbol of her love.
He kissed her away.

In her bridal attire she stood
He at far, eyes wet
Wished her luck and mourned deep
In her eyes, he read the pain

In her face, he saw the smile
The best gift, to her parents she gave
Sacrificing all her dream, all joy
And her happiness, her life.

At the price their smile
She left him forever
He understood, the deep pain in her
For, no other can ever do it, better.
2

Love

Dear love
burnt is the corpse
the soul remains.

eteral you're
though the body decays.
2

Where Words Wont Be Enough

No words do I have to tell you
Burning deep my skin, tears that you shed
Words, that left unsaid, and unheard
Nothing do I have to tell you now
I know, you won’t ever listen even if, I have
To shout,  or to yell at you. You’ve decided
Moving away from me, is your option
And to live without you, in pain.
To disguise as happy and calm
To weep and never to let you know
Life sure is, good indeed,
Except for all the pretensions.
8

Split Screen Sadness


He woke up to emptiness. His days will never be the same again. The vacuum started to surround him. Slowly, he started to choke and suffocate. He wanted to cry, he couldn’t. he want to rise and run away, he couldn’t. he wanted to escape. He failed. Bound by the memories, he lived, his life.


Title Credits : Shomoita Alam
4

He Kissed Her Away

all he wanted to do was gaze deep into her eyes and read all that she wanted to hide. all he wanted was to know how much she loved him, and all he saw was a drop of tear, and that was the answer for all his questions. he knew everything. he kissed her away.

4

Questions that he doesn't have Answers

She asked him a thousand questions.
He didn't have any answers.
She looked deep into his eyes.
All she could see was undying love for her.
They spoke, in the sound silence between them.
Finally she asked him, you understand me, na?
And he answered, in his broken voice
Who else will EVER baby ?
10

His Life

she couldnt stop the tears rolling down her eyes.
he couldnt find a way also.
She hugged him tight for one last time, he was lost.
finally he whispered in her ears,
every single drop of tear that falls down from your eyes will take away one day from my life.
she cried even more.

Pain

In your eyes wet
of pain and agony
tears like rain
yet burning my skin, deep,
leaving a mark of your cry
words unsaid and despair looks
piercing my heart, breaking,
me, like never before.
2

Her Life

mild and meek her voice
deep and emotionless her eyes
slow steps, head down, eyes wet
she walks down the road.
her attire torn, hands bleeding
people shout, in pity, and she
moves alone, along, in silence
tears rolling down her cheeks
she walked, towards her destiny,
her cries, unheard, questions, unanswered.
and there, they,fun ride of their life
taking away, her life from her,
men, no beasts, you call them.
2

why did i quit?

yes, why did i quit.. i have been asking this question to myself quite a lot of times and have been giving the same answer "block" forever.. the same answer to who so ever asked me to.. yes, a handful of people did bother to ask me why i stopped coming over here and writing down my thoughts.

to be frank, it was never the block. no, it wasnt. it was because all of a sudden it started to feel for me like, i dont really write anything thats worth sharing.. it felt like, what ever i scribbled down didnt make any sense, and every time i read back what i have written, i felt like is this the level i write? come on kid, is that all? a fifth grade student can pen down better than you..

very well, now that its gone, i thought from another angle, rather i listened to someone worth listening, who said me, it doesnt matter how you write, when what you write is true, and what you write is what you mean to write..it doesnt matter how u feel after writing, its the one who reads what ever you write, got the right to comment, to rate, and if there is something good about your writing, thats the simplicity you bring, and the words you prefer.. i was like omg, when did you get into my blog for this long and read it all? and then the answer was, not everyone can bring feelings to life, and you kind of do that.. you just dont have to worry about the way you write, you just kick yourself and start penning again..

very well to say, i am here.
8

Trying the Untried

it has been long time.. long time since i penned down some thing here.. what happened? nothing.. i just left on one fine day.. i stopped writing, then i gave up reading too, i got in to my personal life for a longer time and then messed it up all.. and then i wanted to pen down my thoughts again, just like the other days, and then, all the words went missing..

it wasnt the same when i came in for the first time, it wasnt the same when i stayed, and it wasnt the same when i left, and it isnt the same now also.. a lot many have left this place, a lot many of who i read and who read me, who i could connect with, and then a lot many new, who i havent seen or read has come here, and some have changed their homes.. i guess, its time i figure out it all again.. its time i search and find my words and try and give them life, one more time..

today, i do not promise that i would write here again, but i promise that i would atleast try and write something.. and all the promises are to my alter self.. the one who wants to write still..
3

Love

from the far, as my eyes catch a view of her,
the heart skips a beat or two, and then
she passes by, ignorance, in her walk,
breaking apart the tender heart of mine
0

Death

in your eyes, i could read the desire
that can never be satisfied
yet we try, and we try till we fail
embracing us, then is, death.

Smiling So Fake

as the sun sets behind the horizon
my mind goes back to the age of nine
my world was made of books, papers and love
people were goodm and all merry

As i recline to my bed post
and think, of those days, when
walking in the rain was fun
getting a candy from dad was bliss.

As tears roll down my eyes, i realize,
gone are the days of joy
what i have now, is a world
so fake, bogus and pathetic

Living for the sake of it
detached from the emotions
a smile so fake brightens up
the darker side of life.
0

My Life

clouds in the breeze is my life
a wanderer, i, in the world of lost,
in search of eternal love, i sail,
through the endless sky
struck with the lightning bolt
like the rain, i come down
failing to find the love of my life
i quit, i fall, i die.
0

She

as she unmasks,
fallen is the fake smile,
revealing the true face
the bitch who was once a slut.

Timeline

In your eyes, wet, that fail to reflect,
in the sound silence, echoing between us
i feel, the pain of parting..
Who? You or me? I wonder
and so lately, i realize
moving ahead is time, always
of you and of i, and here,
we stay, talking of what happened,
when the next, just happened.
Moments, silly they seem,
counted together, you never know
what you lost, what you gained too
life, it goes on, on and on
and here, i lay, in my grave
and you, i know not.

5

Some Good Family Time

when you are away and when you terribly miss mom made food, all you can do is to pray that your holy fucking exams to get over and i could just do that.. my last paper was on 25th jan and all i wanted to do was to give the blue book back and run home.. wow.. it felt good.. getting in the bus and reaching home the next morning..

and when the day you reach home is a public holiday, the joy doubles..all your relatives at home and all your favorite food, talking to everyone.. making mom cook what ever you like it felt great.

the climate here at kannur, has become unbearable. its killing hot, nope, burning hot, baking hot to be precise.. well, i had to visit all relatives and the first 3 days, it went awesome.. commuting around 200-250 kms in 2 days, with out any rest, i sure did take something out of me.

but then, i have restricted myself to be at home, and when your parents are working and when you have an school going brother, being at home makes no big difference.. but again, feeding on what you like all day long, doing nothing, feels great..

but very well, i wanted to be home form 29rd jan to 5th feb.. festival at the temple here.. its the grand one, and you would want to miss the fests, the celebrations and some dabba food and ofcourse the girls, pretty girls, dressed in all good clothes, a visual treat..

playing with your little cousins is fun, and well, my little cousin has made some new friends this time, all she wants now is to take my mob and dial all numbers..

it feels good when your family treats you as an adult, when they ask you when decisions are to be made.. this time around, yes, i did feel good and better, i have become a lot of a family child than i ever was, and i seem to have developed a serious view towards my life.

there is these two people who have given up all their joys to keep their little ones happy, and provide them with all comforts. i realize it now. and well, i am glad and happy to have blessed with all these comforts, and would do all what it takes to hold the family close, for ever.
0

സ്വപ്നങ്ങള്‍

എന്റെ സ്വപ്നങ്ങളില്‍ ആര്‍ത്തനാദങ്ങളുണ്ടായിരുന്നു...
ദീനരോദനങ്ങളും നിലവിളികളുമുണ്ടായിരുന്നു...
എന്റെ സ്വപ്നങ്ങളില്‍ തലയൊട്ടികള്‍ ഒഴുകിനടക്കാറുണ്ടായിരുന്നു...
പക്ഷേ, അവയ്ക്ക്‌ എന്റെ മുഖഛായയുണ്ടെന്ന്‌ അറിഞ്ഞതിന്ന്‌...
എന്റെ സ്വപ്നങ്ങളില്‍ രക്തക്കറയുണ്ടായിരുന്നു,
മരണതിന്റെ രൂക്ഷഗന്ധവും...
പക്ഷേ, അറിഞ്ഞില്ല ഞാന്‍ അന്ന്‌, ആ ഗന്ധം,
എന്റെ സ്വപ്നങ്ങള്‍ എരിഞ്ഞടങ്ങുന്നതിന്റേതാനെന്ന്‌

an old post, dated june 2009.. found it missing here.. from another deleted blog :)
9

Life

Enough.
Get out of here. You are no more my son..
Daddy..
Please daddy.. don’t leave me alone ..
Daddy its cold, its dark..
Daddy, am afraid..
Get lost you thief..
Don’t ever come back to my house.. you aren’t my blood..
Daddy...
A minute later,

There he lay, a metal piece breaking apart his heart.


All he did was to take one bread from the table when his drunkard dad was away.
15

What I Lost and What I Gained, In A Day

Things I missed to attend the blogger meet there.. starting from a good Sunday morning sleep to valuable hours of exam preparation. Well I didn’t miss what I usually miss, break fast.. yes I woke up early jus to have a half cooked “masala dosa” as my mess people say, which will have raw potato, half cleaned, and then well I missed the grand lunch of so called vegetable biriyani, which again, ofcourse as they say, and I missed the nights dinner also.. much important of all these, I missed some study time.. yes, my university exams started today and the first paper sucked big time as I expected. So I missed the combined study time where we would sit and curse the new HOD.. how arrogant and boasting she is, till hours.. hours worth attending, I missed to gain what?

To listen to @Leonnyes coin a new term #indiwait which ofcourse we will be using it all the times waiting for the #indibus, but again, no complaints, we understand.. commuting through a thick traffic isn’t easy.. well I waited for an hour and damn I hear @vineethrajan say green bus which he meant was blue mazda.. my mistake actually and well I reached the venue, not to miss a couple of calls from @a_sawan well I heardly know the places around Bangalore, so I kept on reading the road side signs, as simple as that.. well again to mention the #locationupdate tag, which dint even stream, and glad that @kamroxz found it good :D thank to the slow moving @indistream displayed @indiblogger s web site..

Reaching the venue, I caught up with @leonnyes and then @connect2dil and @leonnyes introduced me to two of his buddies @rmajumdar and @mizarcle and then I met tousif, whose twitter handle I ofcourse forgot.. not to miss out @flyfiddlesticks @pranxter @msigeek..

Now what I really experienced @ ISCKON #indiblr meet is a different day.. starting with the introduction of #akshayapatra foundation and what I does, it really touched.. well, I am not writing more about #akshyapatra in this post, till is all silly, but the experience was good, so was the lunch, a different one.. and I missed @kaveerr and @teachmetech.. didn’t get to meet them.. so with @desibond who tweet the location, fourth row, I started counting and I counted on and on, well I am never good with numbers..

And then the return trip, that was the best time! Had enough fun talking to everyone and then it took enough of my time.. got down at forum along with @anuragnilesh, @dipa_c and @raghavasatish and then, well, they had to “sacrifice” their wish to have north indian food for my wish to stick to southiee, basically for my health issues.. and the dinner was even better.. a heavy dinner, unlike the rest of my days and then reached back to my room at 10.30.. well I still had my exam preparations pending

Reaching room, I was all tired and slept off in new time, yes I dint get into twitter added some handles to favourite to follow, and lied to @leonnyes that I was going to study, and well I slept off.. I lied

And today, the exam, sucked big time. Worth performing bad, when compared to the day I had yesterday… yes I missed something, but I earned a lot, a day, worth remembering..

PS : if my indirank goes down, its all coz of @vineetrajan, just because I didn’t live tweet anything good about him.

*- if I have missed mentioning anyone else who I met there, please forgive the ignorance and add your name in comments.
6

Hurt

burns deep down my skin
tears from your eyes
words said by me
in a moment of rage.
4

Tomorrow Awaits

Find time to wish and hope,
Find time to pray to your lord
When through doubts and darkness
You blindly move, or otherwise even.

Pray, till you heal.
The heart, then shall be,
No more heavy, and the hurt,
You, no more feel.

Believe, that you can mend,
Dream, all your troubles-
Come to and end, know
There definitely is future.

Look forward, to a new tomorrow,
And then, life is never hopeless,
However great your pain, your sorrow,
Life, still has its meaning.
 
Thank god, for the promise-
Of the new day breaking,
That you see through the window,
Though you heart aches and soul bleeds.
Penned to Life by Shravan. Powered by Blogger.
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