11

Being Myself

Being myself.. yup, being my self.. satisfying my primary need of running this blog, a place for me to express and do all the talking, a place where i can shed in my thoughts and then share it, yeah, sharing is secondary, i do not write to please anyone, nor do i have the talent to do that. Its just me and my thoughts in here, but i am glad i have people around me who read, we respond and who encourage, and i am truly honoured and proud to have met you all, and even more proud to be in touch, and known you all, and i hope it goes on. In a couple of days, i am going to write one hell of an exam series that decides where i will stand in the future life.. but well before i get going, before i get busy, there is something that i need to dumb out of my thoughts, and then i just got to deliver my best in my exams..

The biggest plus and the biggest minus in my life is the freedom i enjoy, all the goods in me are from the freedom i enjoy and so comes the negatives in me. I am extremely glad and thankful to the god almighty, that i have the best parents in the world. Letting me to be who i am, that is what my parents did, and they are still doing that, true they had hopes on me, faith on me and i have let them down not just for once. But even now, home is the biggest comfort zone that i can be. True i have let all the dreams and hopes placed on me to rot, and die, i have caused nothing but tears for them, but now, its time, i make a move, i do something this last time to bring one smile on their face.

Every single step i took in my life, i took it at my will, yup i have stumbled and fallen, and yup i have taken the right steps as well, and at this point of time, why do i want someone else to do all the thinking for me? Do tell me what i am to do next? Come on man, i got my parents right behind me, saying yes to every decision i took, regardless of whether right or wrong, and then when i fall, holding me tight and making me walk again.. shut the hell, and mind your business !

Life has never been that good, but it’s been so well judicial, and it’s never been partial, true i don’t regret about what i did in the past, true again, it helped me to realize my potentials and to be a better person, and there is nothing that can replace moms tears, but well, time will heel everything.

It doesn’t really feel good to be the one who has on him, many hopes put on, and when you don’t stand up to that, life becomes a burning hell, and then again, it’s not easy to live tagged as a loser and then find hope in life again. True i had flaws, but there is something i have and many others don’t have, it might sound simple when i say i have seen life so plain, but living then, being a total outsider everywhere, living isolated, the so called alone in the crowd thing, the feeling can never be put into words.. you just need to face and feel it.. true i haven’t face any tragedies in life, i haven’t had any hard heart breaking experiences, but what i went through, that was something that really helped me to be the one who i am now..

Often, i am called as the “worthless philosopher”, but well, all it comes from the li
fe i lived and what i experienced, true i am just 20, and when i talk about things, i see people giving me that look, are you 50 my son, to guide me? I am not sir, am just 20, but i know how it would go.. that is the only answer i have for you !

It never is easy to survive among people who makes friendship seeing the grades and scores, and i have had and i still have such friends who grade friends according to their grades in papers, but well, life is not just about the marks you score, it’s all about living it, and facing it, and experiencing everything that life has in store for you. I have always given my relationships and feelings and emotions a higher priority than the grades i am supposed to score, and till now, that is the only right thing i feel that i have done, and i don’t regret ! dependency is one factor that held me back for long, but then life had another lesson in store for me, and whoa !! that was one hell of a period to live, from an emotionally dependent kid to an independent human, that transformation felt awesome, and that is when these useless philo part became my life style.. life isn’t supposed to be lived on philosophies, it is to be lived for every moment, to be enjoyed and lived happily, regardless of what is next to come, life is to be lived to the core, but when we live for the moment, there is something that we need to do, learn from the past moment and evolve then.

Getting control of my emotions and feelings has served me good, but yeah, i do agree, it has also made me to be who i am not, atleast for some moments, but deep down, you are the only you and i am the only me !

11 Shared Thoughts:

Jana said...

It is indeed a sad state of affairs for anyone to have friends who stay with you on the basis of your grades. I would want my friends to like me for who I am and nothing else.

Will be waiting for you to come back. Best of luck in the meantime.

Hasna Fathima said...

I wish you all the best for all the Exams,the next week's exams, the next year's exams and the Real Life's exams..
It's a very good soul inside you who wanna do something to make ur parents happy..I know how much u love ur amma..May the Good God bless ur parents with happiness and health..

These lines were touching- "when i fall, holding me tight and making me walk again"

You know what, when u write about yourself, its not boring for me..You have the flair for writing about life without touching anything too deeply yet gently giving a say abt almost everything..

Have a great time..
Cheer up!

..Rugma.. said...

Impossible itself says I m Possible so hav faith in God and walk forth wid a smile high up in da air......
take care....

NEEYA ............ said...

Very interesting post Shravan,
And had certain glimpses of my own experiences after my +2,while looking ahead to select the right course..The course which would show me the right destiny of mine..Only because of my blessed family ,I crossed all those"Melancholy dramas".Even Friends whom i thought as "True-Friends" chuckled at me when i said that I am not going 4 engg.And till the day of admission,i was surrounded by a world of isolation..

Go ahead through the path u opt..As u said..somebody's there to make u say "when i fall, holding me tight and making me walk again"..So don't get worried b4 anything...
"All The Best"

SatyU said...

:)

All The Best :)

Takecare

Shravan RN said...

@ J
so rightly said J, like me for who i am and nothing else :-) and thank you so much for the wishes

Shravan RN said...

@ Hasna
life definitely is my favourite subject to discuss and write :-) our own lives are the only thing than can talk about without worries and limits, everything else is relative and dependent :-)

and thank you so much for the wishes chechie :-)

Shravan RN said...

@ Rugma
:-) :-)

Shravan RN said...

@ Neeya
same here girl, but well
"eppo naatil thengayekkalum engineersum doctorsum und" :-)

so well its all about you and your choices, provided u made the right one :)

and thank you for the wishes :-)

Shravan RN said...

@ satyu
:-) thank you

SindhuBhairavi said...

easy to read.. simple to understand kind of words.. loved it..

i've felt that i learnt life slow, caz i had less experiences in life, when i was ur age, may be i was not adventurous enough like u or lived closed in my shell that life to me was a closed shell.. No, life isn't just to do with grades alone.. but they too matter. caz time doesnt come back to help us to gather everything that we carelessly dropped.. this includes studies and also some mischieves and fun with friends.

Am glad that u have very supportive parents.. they are a blessing to everykid.. be a blessing to them too.. and am sure, you are..

you are special to all of us here.. am thankful to blogger for giving me a handful of connecting people, you are one of those few..

thanks for the post.

do well in your exams, and be back here to scream your thoughts, we all are here to hear u and scream back!!!!

love always,
Chechi

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