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I Saw Myself Dead

Once you start reading this, read the entire article or you may not begin, please dont hurt my pride, i am already hurt.


Yesterday was the most dreadful night i ever had in my life. i have faced void for may times, i have had the worst pains in my life, i have cut my hands, legs,eyes and head. i have had 8 stitches on my head, and the mark is still there, for me to remember about the incidents, to remember that life is not to play with, instead it is to live carefully.

Never have i had such a night in my life, never have i dreamed like this. I fear if my words are going to bring into life what i saw, what i felt and what i experienced.As usual did i go to bed yesterday, sharply at 11.30 pm, tried calling my girl friend and she didnt pick up the call as she slept being tired.In her thoughts i crawled into my bed, hugged my pillow and fell into sleep.Never knew when i slept.


Then i was seeing this dreadful dream, this nightmare, this bloody nightmare and the effect is still on me. Throughout the day, i had my body shivering and sweating, my heartbeat seriously abnormal and my mood, the worst ever mood i ever had.. I saw myself dead in the dream. i have seen me die a lot many times, but not as this, not as this much clear and vivid. i saw myself suicided in the dream.. and the worst thing to happen is i still remember all incidents i dreamed, instance by instance... i am shivering even now when i write this, i feel my heart beat rising...


so the dream, all it started from my college. There was some function going on in the college and we, all classmates were assembled at the seminar hall.. I sat with my friend Rahul and we were talking, and then some of my friends went to the teachers who was seated in the seminar hall, and they were given some works to do.. then my name was called... i rose from my seat, Rahul shook my hand said, "buddy, all the best, do well".


I walked and walked to the teachers' side. My English teacher, Physics teachers and Electronics teacher were sitting there, and then my English teacher started announcing something, and i only heard "exceptional and excellent" and then some one else said,"well, dont say it now", and then my name "Shravan Raghunath" was announced.I was given the task to do some work on electronics, i didnt knew the answer and i said,"I'll do the assignement in english" and i got my question alterd. I went back to my classroom and started doing the task, and again, i failed to find the solution, then my friends helped me and later i used the text to copy some answers and i was seen by my physics teachers. One teacher asked the other " he's copying, what to do?" and he said,"we'll see it later".


I finished my work and then went to the panel, the teachers there, took the papers with me and said, "do this work", giving me some hindi write ups to read. Before i started reading, some one else came, set up the projectors and said, now that show should being. i pleeded and pleeded, let me complete this, the teachers didnt listen..


Time went past, all my friends left the college and i was still there..i met my phy teacher and said, "sir, i want to leave, i have my last bus now". He said, wait there, we will see.I waited and waited.. it was dusk then, i went to the teacher who was near the water filter at college and said, sir let me go now, let me do it now, i need this marks, at any cost i need this, i will do it now, but he didnt listen, and another teacher came in and scolded me, saying so many stuffs.It was nearly six in the evening then, i still waited and waited and then again went to my teachers and said, "sir, let me do it now, or i wont do", i was arguing then, i was screaming then and then the teacher got on to his nerves and scolded me.. i said"let me do it or i am leaving". HE said, "i'll not let you do for another one hour", i lost my nerves.


I lost my self control, i ran to the staircase, i climbed the stairs and reached to the top of the building. i haulted there for some time.. i prayed, i texted some friends of mine, then i jumped down from the top level to the ground.my body hit the stage, my skull broke, blood spilled,my brain and my marrow spilled... lay i dead in the concrete floor of the stage... i lay dead, cold freeze...


now that was the dream..and what happened after it was, i lost my sleep, i woke up and found myself cold and sweating, my bed wet in my sweat, my heart beat abnormal, unable to breath and talk, i feared the darkness, i feared the sound of the fan, i feared the flash of light from the open window of mine..


i tried to get up and found my right dead almost dear, struggled i to get up, switched on the light and switched off the fan, closed the window and sat in my chair.. i knew nothing then, i was shocked to see myself dead.. i couldnt sleep all night long.. in my bed i lay awake till morning, the day breakd did no wonder. i was sweating and sweating.. went to the college and then i was even more terrified, i saw the place where i jumbed to, i saw the same stairs that i climbed up.. i was terrified.. i feared everything..


even now i am not relieved from the shock, it has taken a lot from me, the true night mare it was, never ever i want to see such a dream again, and why i saw such a dream? the question still unanswered..and why do i still remember all those incidents?? and another thing that haunts me is, so far, all those dreams i ever saw with persons in it have always come true, believe me or not, all my dreams have come true and seriously, i do not want this one to come true.. Alhemdilillah, save me god, at your mercy i live.


Some one told me, dreams will never come true if said to some one, i have told this to the world now, hope this will never come true..


Love you mom and dad, love you sappu, love you vaavee(My GF) ,love you ambili, love you granma, love you dear cousins, love you all dear uncles and aunts, love you both,shiju and maya, shailu and anupriya, love you all my dear friends, love you dear teachers, love you all the world, love all,and i love myself(thanks Dubu).. love my life....

4 Shared Thoughts:

..Rugma.. said...

hey shravan...
I have heard that dreams are just the visual part of what we suppress in our mind after a thought about it...it will not turn in to reality...i have also heard that reality of a dream is merely a co-incidence...
Just do not worry...stay cool...i will pray for you, and so will all the other readers...take good care of yourself...tata...

DUBU said...

see, the dream made you realize that you love so many ppl and you can't just die and leave them to themselves, all alone... and you realized how valuable life is...

i can't say if the dreams come true or not but i believe that they always indicate at something - something that you love, or want to do, or going to happen... i believe in them cuz i myself have seen some that actually indicated a lot of things! :)

cheer up and add one more thing to the last para - love myself :)

Ayesha Parveen said...

Trust God and things will be fine for you, Shravan. And never do anything in anger or hopelessness. If we are patient, God shows us a way out of our difficulties. Best wishes.

Shravan RN said...

@ Rugma, i have never thought of death, i wouldnt have been shocked if it was in my thoughts, and thanks for the prayers, you are in my prayers too..

@ Dubu,yes, i realize that i love so many and so many loves me even.i too have had dreams which incidated the things thay soon followed.. that why i am shocked. and i love myself, i added the phrase.. thank you Dunu.

@ Ayesha, I do not believe in miracles created by god, it doesnt mean that i am an atheist even.anyways i will keep praying and my hopes burning.

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