Hurt !! But Got Over !!

You may be wondering,whay i did this post..i am also in a delirium,why i posted this.may be because i did want people to know such activities occur in our society,anywhere anytime and let unheard and untold only because of being haunted later on.

This is a personal experience of mine. But I do not know how well I am going to tell this incident to you, nor do I know if you are going to believe this or not. This is the incident of meeting a homosexual, I mean it, a homosexual, in the very same home town of mine, Payyanur.

This incidence happened way back in 2005, I do not remember the day n month, but it was a Wednesday, I remember that it was a Wednesday because I remember the uniform I put on, my white and white school uniform. Ok well. Let me come to the point. It was on that Wednesday that this incidence occurred. As usual I was on my way to school. The bus that I usually go to school was at the bus-stand and I boarded it, say in my usual seat. But Sooraj (namboori) who used 2 come by the same bus was not in the bus that day. The bus would leave the bus-stand by 8.05 am and I was in the bus by 7.55 am or so. Then by 8.00 am a man, a normal looking common man, who I guessed as a day labourer came and sat next to me. He then asked me the time and I told him. Then he said that he wanted to see if someone is coming to board the bus. As natural, I thought that he would be looking for his co-workers. Then started the whole issue. I had my bag with me, and then I had some books in a separate carry bag, including my record with me. I had kept both my bag and the carry bag on my lap. As I told, the stranger wanted to see if someone is coming and boarding the bus. So naturally he was looking out through the window of the bus and his palm was placed on my bag. It didn’t sound unusual to me.

After some seconds, he again wanted to peep through the window. I allowed him to look through the window as I thought he was looking for his co-worker. But this time, things started going in the wrong way. I felt some weights being put on to my laps and then I looked down on to my lap and I found his palm on my books, supporting his body as he was looking out of the windows. I just looked at him and he then withdrew. And then he started conversing with me. He asked me if I was in the college. Didn’t that sound a lil weird? Anyhow I felt so. I said am not in a college, but in school, Kendriya Vidyalaya. He should have recognised it form my uniform. And then again he started peeping out of the window, but this time the weight on my lap was much more and I found his hands scrolling through my bag. I felt damn bad. But couldn’t speak for a while. But then gave him a gaze. What you call that? An angry eye to one person? Anyways he retarded.

And again the same thing happened, he started gazing out, but this time it was just a mere act and this time I was feeling his hands crouching down my bag, reaching to my carry bag and sliding my bag and the carry bag to a side. His weight was being transferred on to me n I was trying to shake his body from my body. But while trying that, I knew or I realised that his hands had reached up to the zip of my pant. Do not know from where I got the courage, my hand fell on his face. That was a powerful shot. I didn’t know what happened then as I was in a shock. Just saw that man covering his face with his towel and saw his towel covered in blood. Then only I realised that it was an attempt to fulfil his needs on me. Then only I realised that I was going to be a victim of sexual abuse. But when thanks to god, I was able to get rid of being abused.

Couldn’t sleep well for some weeks after this incident. Every time I close my eyes and fell asleep, I was seeing his hands crouching down my body... I was seeing bloody hell in my dreams... How did I manage to get out of that nightmare? I do not know even now, but still the incident is in my mind, itched in blood.

The only person I told this incident was my best friend and I told her not like this, I told her like a mere comic incident and she laughed loud on it and so did it. Thanks to her, I didn’t think it over again and again, though that nightmare haunted me for long and still haunts me at certain nights.

Thanks to my parents and aarogyamasika, I was given proper sexual education and that only helped me to react I guess. Had I never been given the education, what would have been the scenario?

Just these questions to ask. How many kids get abused like this or in the other ways? Isn’t there an end to this??

The Expence Diary


Walk to bus stop = 0.00 Rs
In Bus Puthiyatheru to Taliparamba = 1.50 Rs
(In Bus)
SMS forwarded to friends =20.00 Rs (although it was free)
SMS forwarded to friends =15.00 Rs (although it was free)
Reached Taliparamba
Call Friend =4.50 Rs (1.50rs * 3 mins)
Bought Strepsils = 10.00 Rs (2 Rs * 5 strips)
In Bus Taliparamba to College=1.00 Re

In College

Canteen =5.00 Rs
Lunch time =11.00 Rs
Sweets = 3.00 Rs
Grape juice= 6.00 Rs


College to Taliparamba = 1.00 Re
Friends ticket = .50 Re
Taliparamba to Puthiyatheru =2.00 rs ( had no change .50 Re lost)


Geetha restaurant
Pineapple Juice = 15.00 Rs
Cream Bun=6.00 Rs (3 Rs * 2 nos )

Telephone booth
Call a friend =15.00 Rs
Recharge mobile = 30.00 Rs

Walk to home
Ground nuts =5.00 Rs
Lime juice =4.00 Rs

Back at home

Call a friend = .70 Rs (7 mins * 10 ps)
Call a friend = 2.30 Rs
Call Girlfriend=1.00 Rs

Night calls

Call a friend = 4.00 Rs (4min * 1 rs)
Call girlfriend=12.10 Rs ( 121 mins * 10 ps )

Grant total for a single day = 175.60

Money allotted from Home = 1000 Rs

Mobile Recharge = 350 Rs( exceeds 600 Rs)
Food and Other expences = 450 Rs
Bus fair = 150 Rs
Pocket money = 50 Rs

Expense as per calculations = 175.60* 20 days = 3512( sat and sun says are off)
Debt = 3512-1000 =2512

Equating the income and expenditure for one month,
Recharge of 30 Rs, my girl does for me. So my 350 + her 30*10, equals 650 Rs
Bunks lunch at times, bunks the juices at days. Saves some 21*15 = 315 Rs
The rest, as god my friends help..

Violin Strings

Another beginning.. it was about to begin...another argument with my dearest girl...but this time, i didn't want that to happen..kept my mouth shut and words unsaid.. dear girl, just know this, your happiness mean this world to me, infact a lot more than that to me...what ever happens, believe me, we are not going to be parted.

Better not play the violin
If the strings are going to break
But I will play the violin on
I care not for the strings broken.

Let my violin strings break
Let the concord break and
Let the discord play
Let the notes be “not”s
And let the violin play.
Let the violin strings break

And then I have my veins to change.
Let the violin play on my veins
Let the music flow and play
Let the music go on and on
Till there is blood in my veins,
Till there is life in me.

Let the concord never be broken
Till my soul rests in me
Let the heavenly music go and on
Till the break of vein and heart.

Let the violin play
Let the music go
Let my love for you to live
Let my love for you to live

Let the past bother me not
Let the present bother me not
Let the future bother me not
Let my love for you to live
For the fact that I know you well
And that you know me well…

Let the violin play
Let the music go
Let my love for you to live
Let my love for you to live

And I know that it will live
My love for you will live
And we will live for love
Sharing all our love and care
Then our violins will play
Not along but in choros.

The love we share is true
Our love will live for long
The violin will play the music
The music with no broken notes
The music with a concord,
The concord of our hearts.
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